Monday, December 9, 2013

Whatsapp, Facebook and the gang!

On my last vacation, I had a blast. No work, no routine, no traffic but mostly no SMARTPHONE.
I had a 10$ Nokia with a built-in flashlight, commonly known in Lebanon as “Abou Lamba” and I never felt happier. It makes phone calls, its battery lasts for ages and it serves as a great weapon/shield when aliens invade.

And right now, I think I’m heading towards this road again because I've had it with all those messaging apps and social network websites. I've seriously had enough.
I hate how everybody thinks you’re accessible at any moment and that you should be “pronto” whenever they text you. I don’t like how a phone call lost its value and people assume that everything can be done through texts.
So until my anger towards technology simmers down, I've decided to uninstall “Whatsapp” and deactivate my Facebook account, as they are very addictive, annoying and stalker-friendly.

Whom are the developers of these programs helping?
An overly attached girlfriend? A guy who could not get over you? A crush who liked you for years? A jealous person? Or a friend who has plenty of free time on his hand?
All of them (and more) are encouraged to access your life with one click thanks to “special” features.

I’ve always hated Whatsapp and tried to avoid it as much as possible. But lately, it’s been getting on my nerves so I kicked the butt out of it off my phone. Why? Here’s why!

- The nagging machine:
Sees me online so he/she instantly texts “
Hi”. I don’t reply right away.
Sends: “
Alo” – “Are you there?”. And the next thing I know is that this person has raided all of the apps I have on my phone with messages.
Well, chances are I’m busy. So he/she has to wait until I’m perfectly free to answer him/her.
Unless, he is Usher or Adam Levine and he wants to confess his undying love for me. Then what the heck, I’ll empty my entire schedule for him!

- The photo peeper:
* Meets me somewhere. And says: “Oh, I like the pictures you put on your whatsapp profile”.
And I get all puzzled: “But we never chat on whatsapp”. “I don’t even have your number.”
* Replies: “I know, but I have you on my contact list”.

- The human clock:
“Why did you sleep so late last night? You were last seen at 3:00 A.M”

- The owl:
*Sends a text at 2:00 A.M on weekdays. “
R u awake?”
Yes, and I’m polar bear hunting!
I wasn't awake. But I am now, after my phone vibrated and the blue light on the screen went off!

- The group dynamo:
*Invites me to a group, sends jokes, pictures and emoticons all day, and gives my battery cancer!

- The broadcaster:
*Constantly broadcasts those “must forward to 10 people” messages.
And if I don’t, I’ll go to Hell in every religion that ever existed or I’ll end up miserable as long as I live.

And the list goes on and on….

As for Facebook, it surely has great advantages. But for the past few months, it caught the virus of "Last Active", and now it’s sneezing irritation! It shows in hours when you used it last! Isn't that great?
And it’s gotten even greater and creepier with the new online feature! Web or Mobile? Seriously!!

-The intruder:
*Asks why I’m home on a Friday night.
I say I’m not. Replies: “
Yes, you are. Facebook says you are online from the web”.
Awesome! Creep knows I’m home!

- The intruder II:
I accidentally reply to the intruder on messenger with the blue arrow light on.
Location services are on! I’m doomed!
Now the creep knows I’m home AND know where my home is. And he’s got a detailed map to prove it!

- The profile huntsmen:
He/She is a friend of a friend. I meet her/him for the very first time. Knows my full name, the places I've been to lately, how I like my coffee and my shoe size!
*Me: Have I met you?
*Huntsman: No, but I see you tagged in a lot of photos with my friends!

- The scandalous likes:
I like a friend’s picture or status. I comment on something. And BAM! It appears on 7,000,000 friends’ news feed page!

And I’m sure there’s more.

It also gets worse. The virus has spread and affected Viber as well.
And who knows what other applications will join and make our lives more serial killer “green”!

Congrats to all stalkers. You’re getting there! Privacy invasion fully on!
Finally, on a serious note, over sharing have many pitfalls. And all of us should know the fine line between staying connected and over exposing ourselves!